Self-absorption

This topic contains 19 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by  Hans 1 year, 2 months ago.

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  • #52699

    Hans
    Participant

    It’s been some time since I clicked on the Forum; haven’t felt the fear of stuttering for so long, it removed the urge to keep thinking about it.

    Old belief systems are hard to dismantle. Who would have thought that it could have been so much easier had I accepted what now seems so obvious.
    Fearing words, fearing people’s reaction to my fearful behavior, worrying about other’s opinions of me. My life must have been one great big fear.

    Often in the past, seldom these days, I’d awake in a cold sweat from a nightmare. It’s always the same. Someone is after me, hunting me, catching up with me. I fall to the ground and kick up against my enemy with all my might……and awake with the bedclothes kicked away and my wife complaining.
    A few nights ago I dreamt again, but this time I had a length of timber in my hand and challenged a group of men to come and get me. It’s these happenings that tell me how I’m travelling; what works for me.
    I spent most of my 69 years fearing something not real. How is that for a laugh?
    Hans

    #52703

    the_crow
    Participant

    Not especially funny. Sad, perhaps.
    I could have tole you about all this, years ago. I probably did, but you couldn’t listen.
    You’ve been using, and offering to others, mental tricks as the answer to an impossible problem, and now you know where that goes.
    Fluency is a simple thing, too simple for the mind-gaming stutterers.
    You don’t need to think. Thinking leads to stuttering.
    The mind itself is your enemy.

    I didn’t know that, for most of my life, so there’s no shame in it.
    But I know it now, and hopefully now you do too.
    As far as I know, meditation is the only route to silencing the mind.
    Once it’s done, it’s done. Fluency and sanity, combined.
    Never be fearful, anxious, or depressed, again.

    Fear is at the root of all life’s problems. Only the mind generates fear.
    Turn it off and start to live.

    #52701

    proustitute
    Participant

    Fear of what others think about you is certainly one of the reasons that makes us stutter – but not the only one. At least not for me. I think the goal should be to forget all the meaning you assigned to the way you speak.

    Because even when speaking to my parents and close friends, who knew about my stutter and didn’t mind it, I still stuttered. There was no external pressure to speak fluently, but only internal – and that’s even worse.

    For a stutterer, speaking fluently is connected to everything: their self esteem, self worth, confidence, lightness, hapiness, friendships, relationships with opposite sex, career etc. Everything is on the line.

    So, as Crow says, one should forget about that. His word is “solipsism”. You loaded this meaning to the way you speak. It’s not the way things really are, is just the way you see it from your deluded viewpoint.

    You think the way you speak is important? Ask you friends if their life is perfect just because they’re fluent, and they will laugh at you.

    Speaking fluently is not important – you made it important. Now take this meaning away. Only when you don’t see it as important, you won’t focus on it. And not focusing on it is the only way to free yourself.

    #52719

    the_crow
    Participant

    Solipsism is my word? I hope not. Solipsism is the enemy. Your enemy. Everybody’s enemy. I have a simple piece of advice concerning this:
    You don’t count.

    Seeing yourself as unimportant seems counter-intuitive, but is the big secret of living a life that’s worth living. The more important you think you are, the worse things go for you. It’s the long-forgotten notion of humility. There was a reason humility was once seen as a virtue.
    Humility, however, isn’t something that one can fake, or project the appearance-of. Unless you’re already capable of it, you can’t possibly know what it is.
    And the only way to even begin to know what it is, is to jettison the behavior known as solipsism.

    You don’t count. Paradoxically, when you fully embrace not-counting, you suddenly see the world for what it is, and it’s quite different from the imaginary world-of-people, with all their imaginings overlaying the real world.

    Speaking happens easily and naturally, when you no longer insist to yourself that you must have it. It means almost nothing. Just like you.

    This is advanced stuff, for advanced beings. If you stutterers really are as special as you seem to think, you’ll have no trouble with it.

    Reduce yourself, in your own estimation. Become invisibly small. With no pressure to be something you are not, you may, finally, become something in your own eyes.

    #52749

    Hans
    Participant

    Reading these posts written since my last, I suddenly feel overwhelmed by the combined angry, frustrated shouting of those still afraid.

    For me to say, “you can stop stuttering any time you want”, must sound like the ultimate put-down to most of you. You KNOW yourself, after all; better than anyone out there. I may as well assure you that you can walk across Niagara Falls via tight rope. With your eyes closed!

    Stuttering is a belief system, firmly entrenched through countless negative experiences. I compare it to religious belief. Franz Werfel wrote, “For those who don’t believe (in our case, in the possibility of freedom from fear), every explanation is in vain. For those who do believe, every explanation is unnecessary”.

    So, how to convince you that black is white? Never mind why I want to; right now I’ve got nothing better to do.

    Knowing what I do now, I would go somewhere completely private and begin talking to myself. Easy, right? Now tell yourself that what you’re doing is speaking the way you were always meant to: free and easy. You’re actually producing normal speech. That relaxed, easy flow of words is how it’s supposed to happen; does happen with most people. The firmer you believe,”I can speak fluently”, this is my new reality, the whiter your black becomes. Enjoy the feeling of freedom; freedom from tension, fear, self-doubt, dangerous words and what you believe others are thinking of you.

    Now think of the movie “Matrix”. The hero’s whole existence is slowly exposed for what is: a sham, a lie. His whole existence, every “truth” he based his life on, falls apart. That is what must happen to you.

    Begin with first principles. You know you’re alive, the earth spins around the sun, there are people who love you (I hope). Descartes did similar: every belief was discarded unless it could be proved true based on a few basic tenets.

    If you’re honest in this search for truths, you’ll find no justification for a number of beliefs you hold about yourself. I admit to finding this part very challenging some 10 years ago. Every person has to come to grips with his/her own demons, but Aristotle was right when he said,” the unexamined life is not worth living”.

    One day, a month, a year or two on, you’ll find the courage to open up to someone close. You’ll feel an overwhelming desire to tell your story. Not once, but a number of times, until the accompanying emotions subside and your lips stop trembling. With raised eyes and and open face you’ll say,”I’m better now; I can feel what you feel”.

    Hans

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