If you feel trapped by your stutter stop here II

Therapy, Help, Cure, Treatment Forums Stuttering Forum If you feel trapped by your stutter stop here II

This topic contains 10 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  californiaboy 8 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #49498

    californiaboy
    Participant

    *Really long post here, but if you’re unhappy with where your stutter is, it’s worth reading. Trust me.

    I’m sure I’d be a different person if it didn’t happen to me, and not for the better to be real. Having a speech block in a fast-paced world is a challenge because when you start to struggle people indicate that they’d like you to finish your sentence like it’s easy some way or another and people are emotional creatures. We already naturally feel like it’s a problem because society reinforces that incorrect notion by mocking and ridiculing us, making us feel embarrassed and ashamed of being a stutterer. Real talk, stuttering in front of your best friend and seeing them attempting to hide their smile….there’s a reason I remember that moment as a freshman in high school now that I’m in my second year in college. I didn’t hate him, he was still my boy. It just hurt to feel like everyone, including your friend you considered the brother you never had, thinks that you are a joke. I don’t reminisce on this with sorrow, I just remember how far I’ve come yall! I’m going into my spring quarter of college and my optimism is peaking right now, as well as my fluency. I’ve went four days in a row not stutter-free, but being myself and having amazing control over it. Having no apprehension about talking to others for the most part. That’s the longest I’ve been happy without feeling low from stuttering for a while! You just have to be so solid and so emotionally stable and accepting about being a stutterer that having negative feedback (stuttering in front of people after doing well for a while) doesn’t kill your hope. It’s not quick, as I reiterate quite a bit, it took me until since my senior year in high school stop being too depressed to help myself.

    Whatever order you need to do this to help yourself in, do this:
    1. Accept the stutter and responsibility you have to overcome it since it’s not impossible (especially for those who can talk normally when you’re alone or singing)
    *Side note, we tend to speak fine if we’re talking to ourselves or our friends because we feel secure speaking in that situation. There’s no one to judge you…but yourself. Stop judging yourself too!
    3. Observe your problem areas and work to improve on them. Example: I had difficulty ordering food so I made sure I knew what I wanted before I ordered and NEVER blamed myself. It’s not easy and will take your time and effort, but it will make you a stronger and better person.
    4. *VERY IMPORTANT* Put yourself in situations you don’t feel comfortable with. I started a Rap Club at my university last January because I knew I would need to speak to people for an hour as the ringleader every week at a specified time. This was whether or not I felt good about my speech. This was one of the most important steps I’ve taken. You have to get used to and adjusted to the fact that your speech won’t always be perfect and to capitalize on your wins and stumbling blocks (not losses). Find out what was wrong with the situation and make small improvements here and there. You’ll work your way up and become better and better.
    You need to understand that you didn’t choose to have a stutter, people who don’t understand that are not people you want to talk to. Not if they laugh, that’s an impulsive reaction, but people who aren’t understanding. It’s honestly like a built in filter of people you don’t want to associate yourself with. Please note, this change is not quick or easy! I have an important question to ask you all though, are you willing to go through the efforts necessary to reach your full potential in life and improve the quality of your life? The world is yours, forget how society made you feel. Just understand that society is wrong a lot of the time.
    Side note I feel so good giving everyone tips because I know you guys have felt the pain I’ve felt! We often are malinformed and are led to believe we can’t be helped by the negative experiences we face. This is honestly one of the most difficult things to overcome, or at least I think so. Society doesn’t breed improvement and acceptance for stuttering, it makes us feel different. Wow there are so many stutterers in the world, it’s overwhelming. I know your pain y’all. Let them laugh, who cares? Stuttering makes us powerful guys, life is hard to make us solid as platinum. You just have to realize that. Our stutter happens so often we become jaded (numb) about it. 100% real talk, living with a stutter makes us a different breed. We actually tend to care about others, feel empathy for socially challenged (I don’t want to say awkward, I hate it. esp cuz the stutter made me awkward for a long time), and become more pure as a whole. Don’t let it hold you back my friends!
    Search “californiaboy” in the search forums area of the page and check out my previous post(and comments if you like) if you’re having problems from your stutter; I may be some help. Ask me questions too. Walk proudly, not many people feel our type of pain.

    With Love,
    californiaboy

    #49756

    SHHHH
    Participant

    Thank you very much for this post californiaboy!
    I’m in high school and I just joined this forum. I’ve come across too many posts where teenagers have hopelessly given up or let their fear of stuttering dictate their life but seeing this post sparked something inside of me.

    Thank you once again, this really put things into perspective, especially the line about forgetting how society makes you feel.

    -sh

    #50375

    californiaboy
    Participant

    No problem! The fact that this sparked something inside of you means that this post was worth me posting. Take care and God bless you! 🙂

    #50404

    rhianceex
    Participant

    Thank you for this. This is honestly truly very inspiring to me. I’m 16 and coming to a point in my life where I need to do things that scare me like meeting new people, getting a summer job, go to interviews,etc.. I start sixth form(I live in London(UK) but I think it’s basically the 3rd year of high school) and I have an induction day coming up in June and I am sooo scared. I will have to introduce myself and I want to make a lot of friends and be confident so I guess i’m finally actively trying to help myself. But I do have a few questions.

    1. On your second tip, was that just a case of practising and putting yourself out there ? Or did you stutter every single time you ordered but the fear behind it slowly went away because you’ve done it so many times ?

    2. My biggest problem/fear, is saying my name when introducing myself. I can say it in front of the mirror, I can say it when speaking with friends and family but it seems that when I even think about saying it to a stranger,I can;t get the words out. It is actually stuck. This surge of anxiety just fills me up and makes my heart rate faster and I get so hot. It is soooo surreal. I cannot control it/myself. Did/do you have this problem ? If so, how do you get through it ?? What techniques helped ?

    I really enjoyed your post so whenever i’m feeling down about my stutter, I will come back to this :)x

    #50431

    SACHA86
    Participant

    Hi everyone,

    I am a 28 old guy form Italy, This message of Californiaboy is completely true.
    I wish i could have such courage, I have been looking for it, but averytime i am in front of the situation in which i should show my bravery, i feel so frightened.
    But u are right face the fears is the only solution to get rid of the stress and all the negative thoughts the we possess.

    I wish to all of u a good day

    #50424

    happy7117
    Participant

    I’d never thought I’d be sharing this or saying this, but I get goosebumps and a feeling like I wanna stay inside because I fear stuttering when I go outside!..It’s really nerve wracking…..it’ like I feel I’m in a glass box….possibly the worst feeling in the world!

    #50492

    the_crow
    Participant

    Start seeing yourself as a fool, happy. An idiot. Somebody completely unimportant, who nobody expects anything of, not even you.
    You gotta not care if that stutter is ever going to go.

    #52775

    californiaboy
    Participant

    Hi rhianceex! I am so sorry for the delay, I wish I would have seen this sooner. I am glad to have been some sort of help. How have you and the stutter been lately? How did your induction day go? Well done on actively trying to help yourself. It takes courage, never give up! Count your small victories and note what could help. Maybe it would help to have a stuttering journal to note what things help and what things don’t. I never did it myself, but who knows?

    In respect to the questions:
    1. It’s come to my attention that I left out a number 2 but I think I know what you are addressing. It was more me putting myself out there. Getting in uncomfortable situations. Eventually I have been in so many uncomfortable situations, that I am much less bothered by it. I stuttered many times I would order, but sometimes I would order without having the stutter. However, practicing will help too. Reading aloud when you are by yourself more and more is bound to help you with your enunciation so then at that point it will just be your anxieties that you will need to overcome.
    2. Same here! I was boarding a bus yesterday and had my ticket on my phone for the driver to scan. When the scanner didn’t work he asked me my last name. All I could utter at first was “ummm…” and there was a short pause until he was like “You don’t know your own last name?” Of course that’s a ridiculous question, but many folks don’t understand. At that point I was pissed to the point that I could say my name and move on. I just wanted a wall to punch, I was so angry. It’s strange, but sometimes if I am angry or disillusioned to the point that the conversation is insignificant to me I can be much more fluent. But I have been in far worse and much more embarrassing situations, so I was able to let it go quicker. So yes, I suffer from that very same thing. And in some situations, I do much better than in others. What helps me is remembering how small the conversation is. And the fact that even tomorrow, it will not matter so much if I embarrass myself or not. That person will not be thinking about it, and even if they are, who cares?? It is not your fault that you have a stutter, and I am confident that it has built your character! I think the smaller you see the task of introducing yourself, the easier it will be to approach the situation with confidence.

    Again I am glad that you enjoyed it. I hope that my point of view on these questions was helpful. Also, sorry again for the delay! I will mark my calendar to check this forum periodically so I don’t miss any replies like this. If you have any new questions, feel free to ask me. All the best; God be with you!

    #52776

    californiaboy
    Participant

    SACHA86, I know what you mean. There were many times in my life that I should have approached a situation with more courage. Especially as a man. However, having a stutter is something most people do not have to face in their life. It is a unique type of pain and anxiety that develops as a result. But be strong! Note all of your small victories and give yourself more credit for the times you did something right! In all honesty, prayer has helped me greatly with my anxiety. I always refer back to Philippians 4:6-7, and watch my anxieties begin to dissipate. I still have great challenges, especially regarding speech, but I am comforted that there is a God with perfect love in control of the world. That’s just my perspective, but I am hoping all the best for you and I hope you improve with your social interactions!

    #52777

    californiaboy
    Participant

    happy7117, I know that feeling. I have often avoided social situations in the past to avoid humiliation. But I just want to encourage you to get out of your comfort zone and confront your fears! Your fears can only hold you down as much as you allow them to. Your stutter can cause a lot of fear, but embrace it and understand that you can get a better grip on your control of your speech. You can get to a point where your stutter doesn’t dictate your life, it will merely be an extra feature that you have. You can achieve great things, believe in yourself! On a more random note, you reminded me of a song I think you will appreciate by NF called “Mansion”. Here’s a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uF5QE3-ox4o
    Let me know what you think about it! And let me know if you have gotten better about conquering your fear. All the best!

    #52778

    californiaboy
    Participant

    the_crow, I feel that. Having a carefree attitude has helped me stutter less. You can’t take yourself too serious. I agree that you have to have the attitude that whether you stutter or not you will appreciate and enjoy your life. And transcend to the greatest extent that you can. All the best to you in your journey.

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